We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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