Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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