NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
