So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
It's shark week go big or go home
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
