R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
