if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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