I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
