Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
