I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
