So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize