I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
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