Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
My legs feel like baby dolphins
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
