How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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