I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
