Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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