Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
