I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
