I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
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