google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I am available for nakedness
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
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