come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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