dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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