I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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