mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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