don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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