Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
