My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
