so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
