he wants to bone in the snuggie
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
The feeling are messing with the penis
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
