yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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