I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
