That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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