can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
