Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
