I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
