the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
