Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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