Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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