If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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