Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
My liver just broke up with me...
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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