fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
