You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
sex in a hospital.. check
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
