she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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