She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
