At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
