and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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