I smell stomach acid.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
