Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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