Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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