so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
