I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
