i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
