that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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