Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I faked an abortion last night.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
