he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
There r osticjed everywhere
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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