Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
