I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
