Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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