About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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