And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Randomize
