billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
