I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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