Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Non-Jews are for practice
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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