ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
