I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
It's Friday. Sex?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize