Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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