mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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