Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
