So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
