I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
